• loveyourselffirst15

Deep thoughts in a shallow Ocean

Today I wanted to discuss how our thoughts have an impact on our body and surroundings and vice versa. Allow me to share a story of my first experience mingling with death.

When I was 12 a dark and cloudy day swallowed the sky. We heard that this was a smaller hurricane that would create some epic waves. In the banks of East Florida it was worth the risk. We suited up and brought the boards out to the beach. Before even reaching the beach you could hear the roars of the waves. Sure enough gnarly waves that resembled ornery lions thrashed about. We had to take turns and space out when we would paddle out in correlation to the intensity and surfable waves.

Finally my turn came up, I managed to catch some decent waves. Little did I know my next wave would be one of the lions. I hopped up on my board and just as quickly another wave crashed into me from the side creating a triangle. I fell and kept getting pummeled by waves, grasping desperately for breath. I did not know which way was up or down, but still able to reach the surface of the water until... a fateful wave crashed over me and pulled me under. This time I couldn't find the sky, previously I escaped but it was no use this time. I was tossed around under water while sinking until I touched sand. That's when it happened. I released any desire to fight, I accepted where I was. An overwhelming sense of peace came over me, it was expansive with love that was comforting and yet empty. It was like I could see the sea all at once, only underneath the water. Below the surface and above the darkness. Everything drifted from my mind, it became quiet. Moments seeming as life times broken as something pushed/pulled me to the top. To this day I am not sure what that was. I managed to get to shore somehow, I coughed up what seemed like buckets of sea water (that much sea water probably contributed to some saltiness today, ahh just joking). My older brother ran over to me making sure I was okay. We went back to our janky set up and I just laid out on the sand looking intermittent at the waves and the sky. No thoughts drifted into my mind.

Looking back on this profound experience, and noticing how much of an impact this had on helping shape different currents of my life; this has shown me it is possible to Not control, peacefulness in the midst of uncontrollable chaos, acceptance, understanding how to recognize my limitations, what it Feels like to be empty and yet full, what non attachment really means, and not being able to see but seeing many things at once. No, I did not have these understandings all at once in my logical brain of understanding. This took many years.

I wanted to share this story due to its multifaceted nature. Perhaps it has revealed something for you, or just another seemingly interesting story.

When regaling this story to myself or others I always think back to a book my mom read to me an my siblings, The Samurai code. One code in particular has stuck with me all of these years... Keep death in mind daily.

As always blessings, love, and gratitude

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